Conclave Shmonclave

Everytime a Pope dies, it happens. Cardinals are called from the four corners of the round world to form a Conclave. The Conclave members are then locked in the Sistine Chapel and aren't allowed to come out until they have elected one of them to be the next supreme leader of the Roman-Catholic Church. It has been like this for centuries. They call it tradition.

I call it something else. IT'S A FREAKIN' REALITY-SHOW! Get some cameras in there and let us watch the bloody thing!

The other one

Karol Wojtyla was born in Warsaw in June 1982. His parents were devout catholics and decided to name him after the polish pope, something the communist authorities of the time were not that pleased with. But being named after a celebrity had advantages too as young Karol soon discovered. As soon as he said his name out loud, people would stare at him wildly and, suddenly, he would get the best seats, the freshest fish, the smelliest cheese, the most loving smiles and the friendliest of head nods.
That is over now. And poor Karol is now considering changing his name to Brad Pitt.